Thursday, May 14, 2015

Monday, May 11, 2015

How it all started

The funny thing is that when I ventured to do this, documenting my weight loss, I figured I'd start Weight Watchers and document how it was all going.  That didn't work out too well because I hadn't dealt with my underlying problems and so wasn't successful with WW and so this blog went unwritten.  So, it's actually starting.  I'd always felt constricted with WW and didn't like it so much.  Look, I know, we have to have discipline.  I know that, trust me, even though I may not like it, I know I need it.  But WW just didn't give me, I felt, the latitude I needed to be successful in losing weight.  I'm not knocking WW, it's a wonderful program and in some cases, give you so much food to eat that you feel like you're losing your mind.  But for me, it didn't allow me to eat the foods I wanted to eat, without losing so many points that for the rest of the day I would starve or eat stuff I didn't want to eat.

The funny thing is that we actually have the power to control how we eat, what we eat, if we gain or lose weight, we just have to figure it all out.  We're a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit for.  I'm a lot stronger than I give myself credit for.  I'm learning that.  It's a great feeling.

It begins...

We've all heard it before, "I've tried every diet under the sun", yada, yada, yada.  Well, I have.  Nothing worked and the reason why nothing worked wasn't because I lacked the discipline necessary in order to be successful in losing the weight, it was because I had issues that I used food to help solve.  I wasn't using food to nourish my body, I was using food to heal my soul.  Which doesn't really work when you don't want to weigh two thousand pounds.  

I tried last ditch efforts with Weight Watchers and even Atkins.  Neither worked because I didn't address the underlying issues I had to deal with BEFORE starting to lose weight.  I'm dealing with my issues.  I had to really have a long talk with myself and come to terms with what the real problem was.  I'm still dealing with those issues, but at least, I'm not using food as a means to help block out the problems.  

The funny thing is that I'm not on a diet.  I eat, but I eat responsibly.  What I mean by that is that I don't use food as a destructive tool.  

I remember reading an article some years ago.  It was an observation made by an individual about his three aunts.  He noted that two of his aunts were overweight and one was quite slim.  He couldn't understand why so one day, during the holidays, he watched how his aunts ate.  He noted that the two aunts that were overweight ate several servings of food and kept going back for more, while the slimmer aunt ate much slower and didn't eat as much.  At the time it didn't quite register.  I just kept it locked in my memory lock box until I would need that bit of information.  Years later, during my first trial with Weight Watchers, one of the instructions they gave, which sadly they don't give now, was to chew food for fifteen to twenty seconds before swallowing.  The way they explained it was that it would allow you to get fuller faster and would register to your brain that you were full.  All of this takes about twenty minutes.  Apparently, after twenty minutes of eating, our brain thinks we've had enough and sends the message we're full.  

That's what I do now.  This of course will be my second round.  The first time I did it, I was quite successful.  I didn't restrict what I ate, I ate responsibly and lost quite a bit of weight.  But of course, my demons popped up and I stopped.  

So, this time around, knowing who I am and what my issues are, I've started again and it's working.  I eat what I want, no restrictions, but I don't take advantage of the food I eat.  It feels nice.  I'm starting to be able to wear my cute clothes again.

The saddest part of this whole process was having to go through my closet, pack up and put away my clothes because they didn't fit anymore.  Also not being social because of the fact that I didn't like how I looked.  I even stopped taking pictures.  Not that I was a social butterfly before or even a selfie queen, but I had the ability to if I'd wanted to.  But as I said, I'm losing the weight and I'm getting out there.  The selfies are another matter. 

At present, I'm 232.4lbs.  I weighed myself this morning.  I started at 243lbs.